The Journey

Hey everyone. You guys...for the past two months I have really been making some changes to my life. And it all has to do with my weight. I give health tips at my church every Sunday and I am over the Health & Fitness ministry. Even as I give out the health tips, I really never put some of them to my own use. Now check this out. I really do believe in eating healthy and living healthy in every aspect of health. I even practice healthy cooking. My problem is portion control and sweets. I can be an emotional eater sometimes as well. You see...I have been battling my weight ever since I was 7 years old. The story goes like this: When my dad came and took me to Missouri where he was stationed for two weeks, he let me eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I did not recognize what he was doing to me because I was so young. But my grandmother and mother did. When he brought me home, he took me to my grandmother's house. Grandmother told me years later that when she saw me she wanted to cry. I had gained twelve pounds while I was with my dad. Too much weight for a seven year old. Ever since then, I have tried all type of diets and nothing ever stuck. I can remember being 13 years old, asking my mama if I could have liposuction. At 13 now. And as far as school was concerned.....I hated most days I had to go. I had some friends but the bullies could not be counted. My worst grades were 2nd, 3rd, 5th and 7th. Absolutely hated them. I use to dream about being home schooled all the time. My mother made me go though. But one thing that she told me that has not left me until this day is "Never entertained ignorance. Never give ignorance an audience." I still have to say it to myself sometimes. My childhood was really something serious to go through. That was why I use to love to read so much and be by myself sometimes because I knew that as long as I was with self I was alright. There were times I ate to soothe the pain of having to deal with life and other times I ate because it was available. Now, I am determined to turn that all around. I want to be the health tips that I give out every Sunday at church. I want to really walk in the fullness of everything that God has for me. And I don't want to be afraid to do it because of my size. Now check this out...there were times when I KNEW I was the finest woman in the room and could not and would not tell me other wise. I knew that before I step outside my bedroom door to go anywhere at that time I was the sexiest thing walking.  I knew. But then the other times came. I looked great but didn't feel great on inside. God has me in the process now of truly appreciating myself for all that I am while making myself better. I can do it. And i am going to do it. I am walking more now. Watching my portions especially. Really knowing when I am full. Especially late at night. Late nights, like after ten, I either eat tortilla chips, crackers or peanuts. These really help me in my journey. Well, that is all I have for now, guys. I think I will be doing a part 2 of this but I am not sure yet. Just keep praying for me and I will keep praying for you. Let's walk this journey together. Until next time....